Keep your foot off the brake!

I read an article today about “driving with the brakes on”.  When we sell ourselves short about what we are trying, hoping to accomplish.  When we let self-doubt slither in and take over our dreams and goals.  When we have those self talks saying we “can’t do it”.  When we do this our confidence levels plummet and we lose.  We put on the brakes so to speak. 

In the article Margaret Moore quotes Henry Ford “Whether you think you can or think you can’t your right.”  What a great quote.  She goes on to say that there is something about our dreams in life and our ability to strive towards them that make us unstoppable.  She mentions how she coached a client with stage IV breast cancer who had just about given up, but after committing to a new life purpose she eventually started a nonprofit to raise funds for cancer patients to get access to resources to support thriving.  Even her bone tumors have regressed.  

There is so much power in doing something your meant to do.  We can only get so far on our own strength, but if we allow God to work in us we can be unstoppable.  We can move mountains that we never thought could be shaken.  With God ALL things are possible.  God always gives us something to reach for.  Even if we don’t accomplish everything we set out to; it’s still worth the journey.  We need to trust God and where he is leading, and if he is leading us he will equip us with exactly what we need.  What do you need to trust God with in your life?

Im still here!

So, I am awful at uploading. I appologize! I am taking a picture every day, its just escaping my mind to upload. Anyway, here is the last few days!

I entered this in a Gizmodo Photo Challenge: Bokeh. It was very nervewracking for me to do!

Before

Really putting myself out there...here is a snippet from a chapter I am working on for my class...just some dialogue between two of my characters.  This is the before (revision) and later this week I will post the after.  Please don't enjoy it too much cause it sucks. :)

“What are you doing here?”  Allen was caught off guard by her anger, although he shouldn’t have been.

“I thought I would see how you are.”

“Well thanks to you they pumped my stomach.”

“Did you want to die?” She paused and stared at him seemed to be thinking

“No, but if it happened, it’s not like anyone around here would care.”  Allen was so fed up with Sandra and her little pity train

“You have no idea do you!  You have no idea how much I still love you and have loved you and still try to care for you.  Megan is still waiting for her mother to come home and take care of her.  She love you so much and has poured much of her childhood into you to help you cope.”  Sandra looked outside the window, she couldn’t look allen in the face.  She knew these things were true but that is why she drank.  they were just more things that she wanted to forget so she could live in her unhappy, pitiful existence.  After all it was all her fault what happened to her and Cindy.  It was all her fault and she had never been able to face that .  “Speaking of Megan where is she?  I haven’t been able to reach her.”  Sandra tried to piece together what had happened before.

“I think I kicked her out.”

“You think you kicked her out? What have you done this time Sandra.”

“I would appreciate it if you would stop blaming me for everything.  I do the best I can you know.  You left, you have it easy.  You don’t have to deal with her.”

“Your not going to turn this around on me. I have been there for you whenever you needed me.  Your the one who left me way before I left you.  I don’t have it easy.  I didn’t give up on life the way you did.”

“I didn’t give up on life, I had no choice.  My life was taken from me.”

“No Sandra.” His voice was softer, quieter. “Cindy’s life was taken from her, but you still have a chance at a life.  You could have lived it for both of you.”  Sandra remained silent.  There were things she didn’t want to thin about.  Things that happened that Allen wouldn’t understand.  If Allen knew, he would think differently.  He would probably pour her next cocktail for her.  “Sandra?”  She turned toward him, he could see the anger boiling beneath the surface.  This was not what he wanted.  He just wanted to talk to her.  Make her see that she is still love and needed.  Make her see that she needed change...that she still had a chance at life.

“You don’t understand.” Her words were spoken slowly enunciating each word as if each one held its own understanding and weight in the sentence.  He knew they were getting close to a point of no return.  A point when the conversation would escalate to something he didn’t want.  Yet he still wanted to push her, he needed her to see.

“Help me understand.”

“Believe me you don’t want to.”  The tone in her voice suggested that they were nearing the point.  He didn’t want a scene here in the hospital.  So he dropped it.  He was sure they would pick up where they left off at another time.

“Fine.  Let’s drop it for now.”

“I told you.  You really don’t want to understand.”  Allen ignored her.  She was picking a fight now.  It took him a while to recognize the signs.

“I’ll come back later.  I’m going to look for Megan.”  He added softly, “get better Sandra.”  With that Allen picked up his jacket placing it over his arm and walked out of the room.  He stopped to turn and look at her profile his heart leapt a  little.  She still looked like the Sandra that he fell in love with many years ago.  He just wished that she had the same heart of the Sandra he fell in love with.  He kept hoping that they had a chance even though it seemed they didn’t  There just wasn’t any hope for them at all.  He walked past the nurses station and kept going straight when he should have turned right...

Characterization Chart

Working on a characterization Chart for my class...actually three of them for different characters in my novel...thought I would post one of them today. 

Character’s Name: Sandra Matthews

Sex: Female

Age: 41

Physical appearance: hazel eyes; very tired-stressed look; she looks older than she is; medium build; most of her mannerisms deal with her alcoholism as she stumbles around and slurs her words.  When sober she is the opposite standing straight up, enunciating and picking her words carefully.  Somedays she would actually have a twinkle in her eye.  Hair is a light brown color, shorter (above her shoulders)

Personal history that may influence motivation: Sandra grew up in a strict dutch family.  But they were also very loving and close.  They would freak when they found out she was prego; possibly disappointed...but still supportive.  She is currently separated from her husband and works at a local grocery store part time.  Her husband still supports her so she doesn’t really need to work, but does to get out of the house.  she has been drinking heavily so her emotional and physical health is in trouble.   She had a sister three years younger than her but she was murdered and Sandra blames herself

The inner person: At age 19 she had planned to go places, see the world.  She wasn’t ready to be tied down to motherhood, but at the same time after giving birth those instincts kicked in.  She is afraid of losing her daughter even though at the same time her actions are going to lead to that.

Other details: She loves to cook and wanted to be a chef, maybe own her own restaurant.

Positive traits: When not drinking...she can be very down to earth, lovable, thoughtful, and caring.  Sadly it’s been a while since she has been sober and awake.

Negative traits: She is very bitter, bitter how her life has turned out, bitter at her failed marriage, bitter from the death of her sister. She can’t erase the memory of her death, but she tries daily.  She wonders why did she survive.

Why is important for this character to have these traits/attitudes to play his or her intended role in your novel?  The bitterness is important because it is what leads her into alcoholism and how the relationships in her life start to unravel beginning with her husband and now her daughter.

Better Late than Never :)

Today in honor of my grandfather we made Oliebollen or as we call them “fatballs” (You would have to read my January 1st entry).  Which is why I’m posting this so late because I just got home. :)  When I wrote my grandparents story a few years ago I went over to their house in the early morning to learn how he makes it.  There was a pinch of this, little of that.  Add the secret ingredient and wait while the dough rises.  Which gives just enough time for a coffee break.

We listened to the old tape of that day with my grandpa making the fatballs and telling stories.  It sure brought back memories and maybe a couple of tears.  But it was really nice to hear his voice again.  Funny how a story, a laugh, a smell can bring you right back into a memory.  

So today I didn’t get to write much...so this isn’t much of an entry.  It is late and I’m tired...so better luck tomorrow...or today rather.  :)  

Life without Limits

As dusk sets into the earth with only a faint glow hovering just above the skyline.  I sigh as I climb into my car.  My lab has claimed shotgun.  His panting wide grin welcomes me as I sit in the drivers seat.  I look in the back seat and see all of our belongings piled into the car.  A small picture is taped to the dash; a small reminder of what I’m leaving behind.  I force myself not to look too far back.  I look instead straight ahead to the open road.  What ahead of me will be full and exciting.  I’m not sure what it is yet, but I know it will be better.  It always is.

I have always had a plan and for once I don’t and its a little scary, but I am compelled to move forward.  What better way to work on trust than to merge forward on this adventure called life and see where God leads.  I have no more attachments except to the lab next to me that sniffs the cracked open window in hopes to catch a whiff of a scent only he would love.  My mind full of anticipation and my heart full of dreams.  Today anything goes.  It’s time to explore all this life has to offer before I pass into eternity.  

I could be here today and gone tomorrow.  But at least I will have lived.

Valley of Tomorrow

I was riding to work, listening to Needtobreathe and this line in the song struck me.

I will stand alone in the valley of tomorrow

It made me think about the valleys in my life.  We strive for those mountaintop experiences, where we meet God face to face.  We remember how we were on cloud nine when we came back from that retreat, conference, or concert.  These moments when we feel God so close.  When we hear his voice speak deep into our soul.  When we float on our cloud for a couple days after.   

But then life happens.  Life gets in and messes around and confuses us.  We get bombarded with things, issues that we didn’t think we would have to deal with.  We get frustrated and want that experience back.  For once in our lives we had clarity and it was hard to ignore.  For a brief moment we saw what we were meant to do with our life.  Then we begin to doubt ourselves.  Did I really experience this?  We want it back again.  Like a drug we are addicted to that feeling.  We want to feel more.  We want that burning bush talking back to us.  But the life we had before is waiting for us.  We think God has left us.

God doesn’t leave us.  he rejoices with us in the mountain top..but he is also in the valleys.  He is helping you navigate your way around.  Are you listening?  am I?  The way we make our way to the summit is to circumvent our way through the obstacles in our lives.  There is a lot of work to be done in the valleys.  This is where others see the hard work manifest in us; where we learn and teach other’s.  

My life has been full of valleys.  While I cherish the mountain top experiences, I know that the view would not be the same if I had not climbed up the mountain.  I would not have learned what I needed to take me to the next mountain and the next mountain.  

Joyce Meyer teaches that when you get to the mountain top, what do you see?  Hardly any trees, wild life , or vegetation.  You see the next mountain.  How do you get to that next mountain?  You have to go back through the valley.

Through the valley of tomorrow.

Cookie Timelapse

The Derby

Well I started to write something for today titled “Valley of Tomorrow” but my sister dragged me to a bar tonight.  She is working on an observation paper dealing with alcoholism/intervention.  So here we sit as I write this.  

My back is to the crowd, but I watch my sister as she looks on and fills the pages in her spiral bound notebook.  Phrases such as “3” is having another drink, that is his 4th drink in 30 minutes; auto rescue guy watches Keno as he also bets on the video poker machines in the corner feeding fives into the machine; red bandana nursing his “tanker” of a beer he is alone.

The bar is one of those neighborhood bars, populated with regulars.  Everyone seems to know everyone and I wonder if we seemed a bit out of place with our notebooks and diet pepsi.  A Calvin College banner hangs above the bar and seems out of its element.  The wood panel walls still hold the smoke that no longer lingers in the air.  These same walls are plastered with beer paraphernalia promising light and cheap beer specials on their brand.  The sounds of the basketball game compete with the heavy music wafting out of the speakers while the Keno machine flashes the numbers enticing new players.  The bar stools are warn and wrinkly.  They are ripped and rippled in places from years of use. 

We are in their world.  The world of last calls and pleasure before pain.  I feel out of place and yet I know I have been down this road before.  It’s sad.  This is all some have to look forward to.  Where everyone knows your name...  

Pokerface

So I asked for some ideas and this one is for my sister...

”Favorite memory with me(her)” 

One of my favorite memories with my sister would be poker night.  This might sound odd to some...but there’s not a whole lot of gambling involved unless of course you consider the loss of Reese’s Pieces.

Our parents from time to time would have a large “bash” with their friends.  When this would happen we were expected to go to our rooms for the night and not come out.  We would plan a night of games...Monopoly, War, and of course poker.  I don’t even remember if we had rules.  We didn’t really know how to play we just made it up as we went along.

After we were shooed into my room, we listened as people started to arrive.  Sometimes we would sneak out when the party was in full swing and talk to some of the guests, avoiding mom and dad.  We would also sneak some of the food back to my room.  When I say “bash” I mean there were sometimes a hundred people or more inside and out of our house.  Our front yard was pretty large and it would be completely filled with cars lined in rows.  They would make T-shirts and hats for the people parking cars; it was a huge event.

The next morning when we woke up we would start cleaning.  There was lots of beer cans and other questionable items.  We would often find money on and under the tables, remnants of the games they had played. 

No one has a perfect life and I think its the memories we save and what ones we choose to delete that make up our lives...not to dwell on what was and what could have been.  Someone once said...child hood is only 18 years of your life...you have the rest of your life 70 years to become who you truly want to be.  It is in these years that we can mold and grow ourselves far beyond our childhood.

Being sequestered in a small room while loud music and partying all around us isn’t my favorite memory.  But being with my sister and a simple child’s game of poker with Reese’s Pieces is priceless to me.

Football

Today I am reminded of how much I love football.

When the sweet summer air is replaced by a strict chilly breeze; the air is crisp and the rain becomes frigid.  It’s in this little sweet spot that football starts.  Looking back, it seems like the season just began and now we are in the final games that will decide who the champion is.

Tension is in the air today as the Steeler Fan in my house anticipates what could be another Superbowl appearance.  Today the final two teams will be decided.  No words need to be spoken, because I know how he feels.  I know the nervous excitement that’s flowing through his body.  It’s electric.

Unfortunately, my team is not in it this year...maybe next year.  Every new season brings a clean slate with fresh possibilities.  I don’t know what it is that is so addicting.  Maybe its the power of the game, the competition, or the camaraderie of fans.  Whatever it is, it’s woven deep into the fabric that I’m made of.  

Like I said...I love football.

The Stand

“I’ll stand with arm high and heart abandoned in awe of the One who gave it all.  I’ll stand, my soul Lord to You surrendered, all I am is Yours.”  -Hillsong...The Stand

Today was an awesome day.  I am still taking it all in.  This is all that’s on my mind to write about today...so I am just “blogging it”  :) I am amazed at what God is doing in my life and the opportunities he is giving me.  I must say that I feel empowered.  

The video I posted yesterday, which was the beginning of this realization, I saw again at the church service I went to tonight.  A church I don’t normally go to.  What are the odds?  I don’t believe in coincidences...but I do believe that these are big confirmations that I am on the right track.

Another pretty big thing that happened to me was meeting a fellow author at a company event today.  It was really random, but another eye opener.  It’s a winding road that God has me on...but I am strapped in and ready for the ride he has laid out for me.  I really believe that He has the plans for me.  Plans to prosper me.

“So what can I say...what can I do...but offer this heart O God...completely to you.”

 -Hillsong...The Stand

Life

I am reminded how important it is to live everyday to the fullest.  As the saying goes...”live like your dying”.  I have passions within me that need to be fed and used in so many ways.  But I also know that it takes hard work, patience, and waiting...sometimes the hardest part is to wait.  Jesus waited until he was 30 before he started his ministry...but he was preparing even as he waited for the right time.

I honestly don’t know what God has planned for my life or where I will be.  But I am moving and praying he will direct my paths.  I am confident he will because His Word promises me this.  I continue to follow these passions that he himself has in-dwelt within me. 

Just tonight alone while watching a video God blew me away...again.  In my small group we have started to go through the book of Acts...I was watching this video below and it ends with Acts 1:8...which is the exact place we studied.  I felt a burst of energy deep in my soul.  It was the confirmation I needed.  It was during this study I had made a decision to be bold and deliberate in the Abortion mission field.  I don’t know where it is going to lead me.  I only know I am ready to follow.

http://vimeo.com/18792664

Kara

part of a story i've been working on forever!

Kara looked down at the razor.  As it slid along her skin she tasted the metal inside her.  Instantly she was brought back to the day she could never let go of.  Fear circled her as she relived the memories of being inside the clinic and felt the life leave her body.  She battled the thoughts as they consumed her.  She watched herself travel down the long corridor to one of the rooms.  Everything inside was cold and sterile.  The room was dark except the glow coming from the overhead light similar to the ones used in a dentist office.  The only thing that lay beneath her and the stainless steel table was a thin layer of paper.  She had been unable to suppress the sound from the vacuum pump and the whimpers from the other women.  Kara fought the urge to cry as the emptiness surged through her.  The more cuts she made, the more release she felt.  Even if for a brief moment; it felt worth it.

Forgive

You have given all that you are and all that you have

that you might save a wandering soul like me

All I have to do is ask and receive this simple gift

But yet I keep wandering, searching, and looking

in everything and everyone I meet 

Fooling myself that I might find what I seek

and yet in the end I turn back to you because to my heart

You hold the key and you hold the power to unlock the

darkened caverns of my past  

You alone can repair and bring into the light the darkness

That keeps me captive in my own selfish prison

Your word is living and active

Your word is like a double-edged sword

It can slice through the lies that I have been tortured with for so long

It can replace the lies with your truth

I feel I am on the path towards freedom—leaving these things behind 

Things that I have held on to for so long 

I turn around and watch them disappear into your blinding light

I feel your warmth surround me as the layers drip off me

Tumbling back into the darkness from where they came

I am lost without you and with you I will never be lost again

Who am I to punish myself—what pride must I have to not 

Accept this gift of freedom, a simple gift that cost your life

What love you must have, your life for mine 

I accept this gift of forgiveness that is worth more than riches

It is worth more than life itself because in believing I can truly live

Knit me back together for I am in your womb now

knit me so that I am whole again—so that I may be who you created me to be

You heard my fits of rage 

You see the horrors in my mind

You felt my pain and agony

You heard me when I cried out

You walked in my shoes

You were tortured

You were crucified

You were beaten

Yet you endured it for me

You saved me

You freed me

You forgave me

You love me

You are Jesus Christ the son of the Living God

Pondering. (notice the mug michelle :) )

Psalm 51

(my humble interpreted version)

Shine your light on me Lord

Shine your light on the sins within me

They have darkened my soul and left me dead within

Cleanse me of these evil vile things that have left me empty

I have sinned and sinned against you my Lord

Give me the power to turn from these things and seek you Lord

I confess these to you now--I give you my heart

Remember my sin no more--keep it from your sight

Do not leave me or forsake me, for I am one of yours

and you are my father

I have been forgiven and redeemed

I feel your peace wash over me filling in the darkest void

within my soul

I am filled with your spirit as it repairs my brokenness

The pain has dulled as your presence surrounds me

Give me the lips that speak of your love and of your truth

Give me a heart that bears only your name

Give me feet to walk in your ways and follow in your paths

Make me whole and blameless before you on judgement day

May my body and life serve as a living sacrifice to you Lord

Lets play catch up!

I usually do my weekend posts all on monday. But I was stuck in meetings all day yesterday so I have four days to make up for now.

"Sunday Morning"

I had an excellent weekend. No drama, just lots of laughs and fun. (finally)

Why wont blogger let me rotate pictures? Eh, kind of looks cool horizontal I guess.

I heart macro.

 Yep.

Summer

This prompt was to describe a food experience...

I love ketchup.  I don’t just like it, I love it.  There are various pictures among our family members of me as a young toddler with ketchup everywhere and a few fries can be seen bobbing around in it.  Over the course of my life this love has never dulled or left me.  It has however hurt me.  Just once.

It was the summer of my freshman year in high school.  As most families do in the summer, we were having a barbecue.  Our picnic table was set up in the shade of our huge maple tree.  This tree was massive.  Its shape was perfect much like an umbrella over our large backyard.  In the fall, the tree would bloom into so many wonderful shades of yellows, reds, and oranges.  Some years it looked as if it was on fire; others it looked like the sun had come down from the sky and landed in the tree.  When the leaves eventually fell, they would create a blanket for the grass and my sister and I would spend endless hours raking them up and jumping in them.

This particular year, we sat down under the shade of the tree to a nice barbecue feast.  There were hamburgers, hot dogs, my mothers famous baked beans, and corn waiting to be drenched in butter and salt.  I carefully placed my hotdog in the bun and reached for the ketchup.  I shook it, careful not to have anything but the thick rich Heinz tomato syrup pouring on my perfectly charred hotdog.  As I popped the top on the ketchup bottle, I watched in horror as an arterial spray of red aimed straight for my father's white shorts. 

At that second I wished for a rewind button, or a time machine.  Neither of which I had at my disposal.  Each drop of red landed on his shorts, painting them as if it were blood from a opened wound. My heart pounded, as I braced myself for the yelling that was going to ensue.  I couldn’t tell you the exact words my father spoke, I only know they cut deep and the moment was forever etched into my mind.  It was an accident, I wanted to say.  I’m sorry, I wanted him to know.  But I didn’t say anything.  I was the quiet one after all, and so I just sat there wishing I could disappear.

The Sanctity of Life

Today I am reminded of how blessed I am.  I have a wonderful husband, family, and friends.  I am humbled by how much I am loved.  It’s this easy ebb and flow of life that we sometimes take for granted.  But if it were gone I know I would surely miss it.  Life still has it’s hardships, but knowing there is a God and that he has it all in control certainly eases up on me to have it all together.  The simple things in life are what I have gained the most from and this weekend my eyes were opened up to it.  It was as if I was able to view my life from the sidelines.  Watching the plays being called and seeing them played out before my eyes.  The simple things...

Pure joy when I gave my niece a journal and watched her dance around with it carefully encased in her embrace.  A knowing glance and smile exchanged with my husband, when I know he can read exactly what I am thinking.  Hanging with my sister at the library, saying everything and yet nothing and loving every minute of it.  Having lunch with a friend and knowing that we can pick up from the last time we left off...no matter where/when the last time was.  In the morning when all is quiet and my red lab wants to snuggle, curl up in a ball and lay his head on my thigh.    

I think it’s important to know that life happens in the seemingly inconsequential things that happen around us, all the time.  In a look, a touch, a shared secret, in love, faith, friendships.  When your eyes are wide open, you can catch many of these moments.  These tiny moments make up our lives.

The Butterfly

I see a butterfly scaling the bright blue sky and I want to be like him

I envy his freedom while I’m stuck in this pit and the light is getting dim

While wandering in our circumstances, we lose sight that God is willing to save

We just have to cry out to Him.  That’s it, there’s no need to be stubborn and brave

What we fail to remember is that he wasn’t always a butterfly

God wrapped him tightly in a chrysalis and he had to be willing to die

Die to himself and trust that God would transfer him into something great

It’s something we don’t realize when we’re stuck in our troubled state

God whispers quietly into our ears, “Be still and know that I am God” 

He transforms us into creations built in His image within this secret pod

We used to walk around in darkness blinded with scales over our eyes

Now with wings given by God, we can soar the bright blue skies

So when you see a butterfly, just remember that it’s you transformed by the creator

He who loves you so deeply, with an eternal everlasting love you can’t ignore.

The Parade

Make a list of events from your childhood and write about one of them capturing the experience.  This is a little rough...but what I have done so far today.

The sun peaked through the curtains gently waking me.  Stretching, I remembered today I was going to ride in the back of a firetruck in the Fourth of July Parade.  This was beyond excitement for a seven year old girl.

“Remember,”  my mom said when she dropped me off, “meet us behind the mall by the free pop stand.”

The parade was awesome.  I waved to everyone.  I even found my family in the crowd and blew a kiss to my little sister.  We had been winners in a poster contest and our prize was the opportunity to ride in the firetruck along with cash.  I wasn’t the grand prize winner, but I won first place and $5!  I think the grand prize was to have your poster on a billboard.

When the parade ended there was a massive crowd, I waded through it to to find the free pop stand.  I went to the back of the mall, but didn’t see one.  So I went to the front of the mall and still no free pop stand.  Anxiety replaced my excitement and I started thinking they would never find me.  I decided to go back to where they sat during the parade.

I scanned the faces coming towards me, hoping to catch a glimpse of a familiar face.  I didn’t see them.  I went back one more time to the parking lot area and looked around.  I still didn’t see a free pop stand and I didn’t see my family. 

I could walk home I thought.  I was sure of where I lived...so I started walking.  I hadn’t traveled too far when I was startled by a snake in the tall grass just off the sidewalk.  I screamed and started running.  In my mind this snake was huge and had to be chasing me.  I started crying.  A young girl wizzed past me on her bicycle.  I watched her pause turn to face me.

“Are you ok?” She asked “I thought you were laughing, but you’re crying aren’t you?”

“Uh huh.” I continued to sniff. “I think I’m lost.”

“I can bring you to my neighbors house, she will know what to do.”

When we arrived at her neighbors house as soon as she opened the door she exclaimed. “Oh!  You are the girl everyone’s talking about on the news.”

They called the police and a large police wagon came by to pick me up.  I, of course, had to sit in the back...behind the metal barrier.  I shrank down as we past by people.  I didn’t want them to think I was a criminal. I was just lost!  I wanted to shout out.

The police officers brought me back to the parking and there was my mom waiting for me.  Everyone was so nice, they showered me with gifts: balloons, hats, candy, buttons.  I felt like I was a celebrity for a moment.  Not quite how I would like my fifteen minutes of fame...

So, Im getting sick. The inspiration for today's picture. I want to go back to bed. Thank you. Have a good day.

Calling all Friends...

OK.  I would like some ideas from all my fans out there (that would be all three of you).  :)  I am running out of ideas that I like and it’s only JANUARY...but I thought that I could open it up to you to give me something that I could continue with.  Maybe something you post would spark something within me.  It could be even as simple as a word you like.  You can post as many comments as you want.  Remember I have a whole year to complete my goal. :)  I have a few things in the works, but like to have a few more started...so PLEASE help. :) 

M

Its not the most artistic picture to say the least. But as I was getting ready this morning I stepped back and realized how "His and Hers" our bathroom is. And how pathetic it is that it takes me this many items to get ready in the morning.

a poem

emotions spilling over flowing

dying inside aching for it to end

life meaning lost

empty barren aching still

time will tell the time until

I will get to hold at last

something precious lost in my past

loving learning longing still

but I know with whom I get my fill

wanting waiting watching pause

healing restoration passion cause

brilliant light power God

washed pure innocent joy

everlasting eternal life

"Lets just keep on pretending..."

Dreaming

Describe a dream and make it into a story...

“It’s time.” Ethan said.  We embraced for a minute cheek to cheek.  I inhaled his cologne and felt safe in his arms even as chaos ensued around us.  Separating quickly, I ran up the staircase that went in three different directions before I came to a large oak door.  Opening the door, I entered the dark attic littered with suitcases and various clothes and personal items strewn about.  Only what I need to bring, I reminded myself.  I didn’t know how long our journey was going to be, or where it would take us.  I went through the suitcases and piles of clothes trying to find the essentials.  I found a pair of diamond earrings that I thought we could sell if we needed the money.  I heard footsteps on the stairs.

“Ethan?”   

“Yeah.”  He appeared in the doorway, “need help?” He asked.

“What’re you bringing?” 

“Just this.”  He pointed to the bag slung over his shoulder.

“I don’t know what to bring...”  I looked at the duffle and the suitcase with wheels.   opted for the duffle and began to fill it.  All this was new to me.

We were hit with a thick wall of heat as we stepped out onto the porch.  There were ashes and dirt everywhere.  Flames and fire exploded along the skyline.  It took all I had not to look behind me.  I didn’t want to remember what we were leaving behind.

We were after all in the end of days.

The Key cont...

Alice looked around once more before she opened the door and immediately locked it behind her.  The first smell that hit her was clean.  She didn’t know what to expect, but it wasn’t this fresh scent.  Maybe she expected it to be dark and musty like her grandma’s house.  But this room was happy with bright yellow curtains.  The living room was decorated simple and had a quaint cottage feel to it.  Still disoriented she continued through the living room to the kitchen.  Mindlessly she went through the cupboards and found each one filled top to bottom with can goods and essentials.  

She still didn’t understand why it was so quiet.  There were no usual sounds.  Besides not knowing who she was, or where she was...this quiet was suffocating her.  She made her way to the back of the house and paused with her hand on the curtain.  She wanted to see what was out there, but part of her feared who would be looking at her.  Curiosity won and she peeled back the curtain revealing a small slit of light enough for just her eye to see.  What she saw made her step back a little, startled.  She had never seen such devastation before.  The mounting pressure of not knowing who she was, where she was, and what was happening around her began to take its toll.  She crumpled on the floor of the kitchen pounding the floor in frustration.  She couldn’t erase what her eyes had seen.  She was alone with her mind that continued to beg her to remember.

She remembered the letter.  What was the name on the letter?  Alice.  Yes, she was sure it was Alice.  She reached for the letter still crumpled in her pocket and re-read it.  She tried to find her voice.  Maybe if I say the name aloud, she thought, maybe I will remember something.  “Alice.”  It came out as a forced whisper.  She tried again,  “Alice.”  No Memories. Nothing.

My weekend

This picture was why I got called a "stubborn little snot" by my mother. I chickened out entering it in a compition and she was trying to convince me...it didnt go well. (the picture should be rotated to the left but blogger wont let me for some reason)

Sunday Morning

Brrr...

Empty

I wrote a lot today...but nothing to really post that I was happy with.  Here is a small part of something that I started and not really edited.

Emily stared at the wall in her cell.  Thoughts lingered inside her head as she focused on the events that brought her to this place in time.  Thoughts she would have rather forgotten, but knew they were burned into her memory forever.

It had seemed like only yesterday growing up in the house on Cherokee street.  It was miles away from the grey walls she had grown accustomed to now.  Her parents had never been there.  The smell of the alcohol always on their breaths and unkind words being slurred through their lips.  

I tried to escape the world.  Leave everything behind.

Voices

A tiny voice whispered, “Is he the one?”

Steven listened intently, eyes closed, trying to hear more noises.  With rising curiosity, he opened his eyes a sharp pinpoint of light blinded him.  The beam of light intense, pain shot throughout his whole body.  Fear, suspicion, and curiosity grew.  His eyes glazed over in wonderment.  He concentrated on the source of all the energy.  

Through the light he observed another strange universe.  It tempted and teased Steven, but he shrank back into the shadows.  As quickly as it began, it ended.  His room back to the way it looked before.  Through the darkness he felt for his teddy bear.  It had happened so fast, had he been dreaming?  There was a faint, but distinct sound coming out over the speaker of his record player, he held his breath and listened.

“Is he the one?...is he the one?”

But there was no record.