Chasing Forever

Chapter One  

Daytona Beach, FL 1992

Megan felt her body waking but she wasn’t ready to open her eyes.  She wanted to remain in the dream world that was beginning to fade.  The air was sticky and thick, the sheets felt clammy next to her skin.  The rain pelted against the window; she visualized the different patterns the splattered raindrops were leaving on the glass.  She avoided the new day knowing with it would bring a grim memory of what had to be done.  It wasn’t until all the excuses were exhausted that she finally relented and allowed the light in, only she was greeted by a dark gray sky offering no hope for today.  It was just as well.  With the turmoil going on inside her, why would her surroundings be any different?  Just like the world outside her window, inside she was crying.  The large down comforter surrounded her in a cocoon; it’s bright happy flowers looked like mature dandelions.  They colored the duvet cover with blues, greens, and purples.  Tracing them she wished life could be simple again.  Today was decision day.  It may have already been made for her, but it still helped her to think, even if it was just a façade, she still had a choice.
  Megan lay in bed a few minutes longer enjoying the empty security it offered; tucked beneath the layers, she gained the strength she needed from deep inside her.  Life wasn’t happening like she had planned.  Not even close.  She cringed when she thought about it.  Sitting up, she rolled her legs over the side of the bed.  The self-talk she had escaped with a few hours of sleep began again.  Maybe after breakfast she would call, but the driving force within her knew it couldn’t wait.  She needed to talk to someone about her options.  Besides, breakfast hadn’t sounded good for a few days.  Grabbing her journal off the nightstand she began to write.  Emotion spilled out onto the pages.  It was a good way to sort out all her feelings.  It was the only thing she could trust with her feelings right now.  She thought back to the day she met Shawn.

The day had been perfect even by Floridian standards.  This time of the morning the beach was not too crowded.  There were the normal runners, walkers, and a handful tourists from the local hotels perched along the beach or on the balconies watching the sun rise.  The sun, a big orange ball formed itself right out of the ocean.  She stared as the final pieces broke free from the horizon.  It was one of those things you could watch a thousand times without becoming routine.  The sea breeze blew and she tasted the salt water that filled the air around her.  Megan closed her eyes and breathed deeply taking it all in as if this were the first time she had walked along the ocean.  She turned to walk back to her car, opened her eyes, and that was when they collided.    

“Whoa! Sorry.”  He said.  

She looked up at him, the sun glistened off his body, which was both tan and firm.  Her heart gave a bit of a flutter.  

“I tried to gauge which way you were going, but apparently I was guessed wrong.”  He reached down and pulled her up.  

She was embarrassed and dusted the sand off her shorts, trying to think of something to say.  

“Do you walk here often?” He asked.

Megan laughed.  She looked closer at the tall figure before her.  In the back of her mind she thought how at any minute he could over power her, but there was something deep in his green eyes that made her feel instantly comfortable and safe.  “That’s a corny line, does it work on all the ladies?”

“No, but I was hoping that it would work on the most beautiful one in Daytona Beach today.”  He grinned.  “That better?” 

“Um, still a little corny.”  She smiled and let her eyes take all of him in.  

He looked at his watch.  “I gotta go, but we could discuss this later…say dinner?”  

Megan was shocked by his sudden invitation but couldn’t help but enjoy the attention.  

“Hmm.  How about we meet back here, say 7:30?  I’ll bring dinner.”  

“All right malady, 7:30 it is.”  With that he tipped a fake hat toward her and began running backwards staring back at her.

When Megan returned home her insides were doing a flip-flop.  What had she just done?  He was a stranger.  She began to lose courage and regret started to sink in.  She took her time getting ready.  Taking time to dry her hair so it lay straight, not that it would last long in the Florida humidity.  She almost picked her favorite sundress, but then decided on jeans and a cute tank.  She grabbed a sweater before she went out the door, knowing how chilly the ocean breeze can be at night.

Megan slipped passed her mother unnoticed; an empty glass with melting ice sat next to an almost empty bottle of whiskey.  Megan tried not the bear the burden, but it was hard not to shoulder the blame.  She closed the door behind her careful not to wake up her mother.

Megan parked the car and walked down to the beach near the spot where they first met.  She saw him standing next to a beach blanket looking for her.  As she approached, she could see a broad smile on his face.  He looked different with a shirt on, he filled it out very nicely she thought.  

“So you came.”  He began.  “I thought I’d dreamed you up.”  

Megan laughed. 

“What’s so funny?  You enjoy my mental instability?”  He said, then laughed.

“No.”  She began,  “I’d been thinking the same thing.  I thought at least I was going to have a feast if you turned out to be my imagination.”

“Well good, glad I’m not the only crazy person.”  

Megan’s mouth gaped open feigning shock.  

“I mean..”  Shawn began stuttering.  

Megan laughed.  “Just kidding.  Hey, I don’t even know your name.”  

Shawn reached his hand out to her in a polite gesture for Megan to shake it.

“My name is Shawn… and you Miss Crazy are?”

“Megan.”

“Megan…” Shawn’s face took on a serious look.  “I once knew a Megan at the institution I escaped from.” 
    ”Oh that’s good to know.  I knew I should have been listening to that voice in my head screaming “Get me out of here.”  

There was an easiness between them.  It was something she hadn’t felt at home in a long time.  Home: a term she used lightly.

Megan had just about drained the ink out of her pen, when she decided it was time to call.  Thinking about Shawn hadn’t gotten her anywhere, just lost in a bunch of memories.  She opened the drawer on her bedside table and looked at the paper inside.  The numbers innocent, yet they seemed to hold her future.  She picked up the phone and dialed the number.
         “Hello, Women’s Medical Center,”  a nasally voice greeted her.  It reminded Megan of a TV show where the receptionist would roll her eyes and file her nails.  Did she think she was taking an appointment for a root canal or a runny nose?  A voice cried out from inside her but she quenched it with the truth she knew. 
         “Yeah, I—uh wanted to come in, do you have any counseling appointments available?”
         “We really don’t do counseling, but you can make an appointment to get an ultrasound and then the doctor can perform the abortion.”  

Megan thought it over.  She just wanted to talk to someone about her options.  She knew what they were of course, but she was looking for some answers.  

“Ma-am.”  The operators voice interrupted her thoughts.  “Ma-am?”
          “Yeah.” Megan replied, still lost in thought.
         “Did you want to make an appointment?” The receptionist continued.
         “Will the doctor be able to talk to me about my options?”  

She heard the operator sigh and start clicking away on her computer, probably
 rolling her eyes again.
         “Well, the doctor is busy, but he might be able to answer a few questions
 before the abortion.  It’s just a simple procedure…how far along do you think you are?”
         “I think around 11 weeks.”
         “Oh, you’ll be fine.  It’s just a clump of cells, nothing more.”
 Megan paused, knowing this was probably her only chance.  “I guess I can set up an appointment.”
         “No appointment necessary, just come around two.  It’s first come first serve around here.”  

Megan started to feel uneasy.  She didn’t like this at all, but she had to get answers.  “Oh, and another thing.  There are a bunch of rowdy protestors out front.  Just ignore them.  We have a security guard that will take you inside the clinic.”
         “Ok..thank—.”  But the operator had already hung up.  Megan began to feel like a number – a statistic.  All her thoughts were beginning to converge on her.  Maybe she could keep this baby.  But she just continued to stare at the letter knowing her mind was already made up.

Hello

Hello!


I have been working on a paper all night...so I don't have anything to post.  My paper is due on Wednesday...so I will post it when I am finished and then you will have something different to read.  It is chapter one that I have revised....may times over and over again.  But don't think I have ever posted it here.    Well at least not in the finished form that it is in.

Easter

This morning I read today's devotion in "Sparkling Gems" book by Rick Renner.  He brings up a great point how the cross has been changed into jewelry and adorned with diamonds or jewels and various other forms almost as an idol of our own.  Sometimes this makes us forget the true meaning of the cross and how dark, dirty, painful, tortuous the cross was.  When we realize what Jesus did for us, what it took to endure all that he did.  This is when we really know in our minds and hearts what Jesus really did to take away all of our sins.  Not just the sins of those that do believe, but also the many that reject him and do not believe.  Because Jesus didn't come to save just a select few, but all.  But we still need to make that choice to accept and open our hearts for Jesus to come in.  Will you say yes to Jesus and ask him to be your personal Savior? 

Friday

The Power of the Beach  © Joe Fazio 

As we walked along the beach, crashing waves

thundered in our ears and a light, salted mist, 

dampened our lips.

The sun began to set and the voice of the beach, 

traveled across the ocean waves.

'I am the beach, and here you shall find peace.

I am the beach, here you shall find love.

In this domain, my beach, the answers you

search for, could very well be found here.

For at this beach, there is much, 

that has been revealed.

The sparkled, white grains of sand, that blanket

this beach, has been a bed of comfort, to many.

Pause, as you come upon this beach, and listen

to the symphony of waves and the chorus of

birds, singing their song, as they glide in the wind.

Feel the power of this beach, as it seems to

renew your inner being. You need not question

the beach and its mystical powers. For as

millions before you have found, the beach...

and its magical transference to one...have

existed, since the beginning of time.

Be not troubled, for the beach is close at

hand. You need only to deliver your strife, 

to the tranquility of the beach and it shall

be exercised from you.

When you go from this beach...leave with

the peace that you have found here.'

Thursday

Tonight I enjoyed a nice bike ride on my new bike. :)  It was nice to feel the sun, but a little brisk in the wind.  It was very nice, but still low on energy...so off to bed early.  I leave you with some fun facts for today.

• No piece of normal-size paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.
• Blueberry juice boosts memory
• When cats are happy or pleased, they squeeze their eyes shut
• The elephant is the only animal with 4 knees
• Every human spent about half an hour as a single cell
• Each year, about 500,000 detectable earthquakes occur in the world. About 100,000 of those can be felt and about 100 of them cause damage.
• The tongue is the only body muscle that is attached from one end only. 
• We, as humans, forget 90% of our dreams
• During thinking, we use on about 35% of our brains

• Approximately two-thirds of people tip their head to the right when they kiss
• Just days before the World Cup of 1966 in England, the trophy was stolen and then later retrieved by a dog
• Some Chinese believe that swinging the arms cures headaches
• The city of Portland in Oregon was named after a coin toss in 1844.  Heads for Portland and tails for Boston. 
• A queen bee lays 1500 eggs a day
• No president of the United States was an only child for his parents
• Laughter is a proven way to lose weight
• Pumice is the only rock that floats in water
• The African cicada fly spends 17 years sleeping, then wakes up for two weeks, mates and then die.
• Reno, Nevada has the highest rate of alcoholism in the U.S., Provo, Utah, the lowest.
• The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.  Hemp doesn't contain THC and won't make you high.
• 250 to 300 million cell phones are being used in the U.S.

Wednesday

Well one of these days I will have a real post.  Sorry for my missing in action, but it has been a hard couple of weeks.  I think I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, these allergies have been getting the best of me lately though.  Another early night for me, but I know I am starting to feel better.  Tomorrow is Thursday...my FAVORITE day of the week. :)


So while I can't promise anything...I am praying for a better tomorrow.

Tuesday

This is a favorite poem of mine from when I was a kid.

Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein

There is a place where the sidewalk ends
And before the street begins,
And there the grass grows soft and white,
And there the sun burns crimson bright,
And there the moon-bird rests from his flight
To cool in the peppermint wind.

Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black
And the dark street winds and bends.
Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow
We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And watch where the chalk-white arrows go
To the place where the sidewalk ends.

Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go,
For the children, they mark, and the children, they know
The place where the sidewalk ends.

Monday

Today is another Monday.  I haven't been writing much lately...sorry for my canned posts, but it has been a bit hard.  I have been exhausted. Completely exhausted.


I sit here now...waiting to get back into bed and drift off into sweet blessed sleep.  And so, for lack of anything else to say, I leave you with another poem.


Sleep - Emily Dickinson


Sleep is supposed to be,

By souls of sanity,
The shutting of the eye.

Sleep is the station grand
Down which on either hand
The hosts of witness stand!

Morn is supposed to be,
By people of degree,
The breaking of the day.

Morning has not occurred!
That shall aurora be
East of eternity;

One with the banner gay,
One in the red array, --
That is the break of day.

Allergies

It seems that my allergies are starting...so I found this little blog that was interesting...

What are the weirdest allergies?

BY RUTH ⋅ FEBRUARY 15, 2011 ⋅http://whatallergy.com/2011-02/weirdestallergies

Someone asked me the other day, “What are the weirdest allergies you’ve ever heard of?” and it made me stop and think. Perhaps weird is the wrong word here, they’re not weird, but they are strange, unexplainable and increasingly misunderstood. Here are just a few of the weirdest ones I’ve come across.

Allergy to exercise
Exercise induced anaphylaxis sounds crazy doesn’t it? How can exercise give you an anaphylactic attack? From first hand experience I know that this one is very real, but once again with all allergies, it’s different for every person who is affected. For me, it’s happened after I’ve let my guard down, for whatever reason, eaten something (I’m not entirely sure what) and then done exercise. It’s the act of exercising, getting the heart pumping, which seems to exacerbate the reaction into something far worse than it might have otherwise been. Consequently I carry my EpiPen whenever I work out and NEVER eat ANYTHING for at least two to three hours before exercise unless it’s water, fruit or oat cakes. You can read more about this in “Exercise induced anaphylaxis – scarey!”.

Allergy to cold
As winter draws to a close most of us wait with anticipation for the first snow drops and warmer weather that heralds the approach of spring. None more so than those who have cold urticaria, or cold allergy. It’s a very rare condition and syptoms include redness, swelling and hives on the skin caused by outside temperature and that of food and drink consumed. You can read more in an article from the Huffington Post entitled, “Cold Allergy: 9-Year-Old Allergic To Temperatures Under 70 Degrees”.

Allergy to sunlight
Most people thrive on daylight and we all know how important natural vitamin D from the sun is for our skin, but for some people the only time they can venture out for some fresh air is when the moon is high in the sky. These people are not vampires or were wolves, they have a very rare allergy to sunlight. It appears that people with solar urticaria make allergic antibodies against various proteins found in their own skin. Sunlight causes these proteins to change structure, allowing the allergic reaction to occur, most commonly causing a red rash and hives. It is possible for a person with solar urticaria to experience anaphylaxis if enough skin is exposed to sunlight. Read this article from the Daily Mail entitled Nasa suit for mother allergic to sun to find out how one woman has gone to quite drastic measures to live with her sunlight allergy.

Allergy to smells and fragrances
Allergy to smells and fragances or ‘multiple chemical sensitivity’ to give it it’s medical term means people react to strong perfumes, airwick freshners, air freshner sprays etc. and increasingly smells are pumped around shops and supermarkets to make us feel a certain way, and want to buy more stuff. Sufferers call an attack being ‘fragged’, which means they have had an attack after inhalilng perfume. You can read more about this on the Your Smells are Killing me blog.

Allergy to gadgets
An estimated 3 percent of the population is basically allergic to modern life. Electromagnetic hypersensitivity syndrome is caused by the blizzard of interference produced by microwave ovens, TVs, radios, mobile phone towers, gadgets, games, technology, mobile phones, WiFi, broadband, internet and various other trappings of the 21st century. Most of us couldn’t live without them, but for some the constant migraines caused by exposure to these rays of electromagenetic activity make their lives a misery. Visit the
Foods Matter website for a plethora of articles, personal stories and information about research into this terrifying and truly debilitating condition.

Have you come across any other strange allergies? Let me know what they are here, and if you have one of the above allergies you have my sympathy, and I would also love to hear how you cope and adapt your life on an every day basis.

Wedding

Went to my cousins wedding today. It was beautiful...


    8 There was a man all alone; he had neither son nor brother. There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content* with his wealth. "For whom am I toiling," he asked, "and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?" This too is meaningless- a miserable business! 
    9  Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: 
    10  If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! 
    11  Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? 
    12  Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. 
Ecc. 4:8-12

An Easter Poem...

A friend from my writers group sent this out today.  I had never heard it, but really like it.

John Updike,  Seven Stanzas at Easter, 1964

Make no mistake: if He rose at all
it was as His body;
if the cells’ dissolution did not reverse, the molecules
reknit, the amino acids rekindle,
the Church will fall.

It was not as the flowers,
each soft Spring recurrent;
it was not as His Spirit in the mouths and fuddled
eyes of the eleven apostles;
it was as His flesh: ours.

The same hinged thumbs and toes,
the same valved heart
that–pierced–died, withered, paused, and then
regathered out of enduring Might
new strength to enclose.

Let us not mock God with metaphor,
analogy, sidestepping, transcendence;
making of the event a parable, a sign painted in the
faded credulity of earlier ages:
let us walk through the door.

The stone is rolled back, not papier-mâché,
not a stone in a story,
but the vast rock of materiality that in the slow
grinding of time will eclipse for each of us
the wide light of day.

And if we will have an angel at the tomb,
make it a real angel,
weighty with Max Planck’s quanta, vivid with hair,
opaque in the dawn light, robed in real linen
spun on a definite loom.

Let us not seek to make it less monstrous,
for our own convenience, our own sense of beauty,
lest, awakened in one unthinkable hour, we are
embarrassed by the miracle,
and crushed by remonstrance.

Top Ten Weird animal childhoods...who knows this could make it in a story...

Some animals take tender, loving care of their babies. Others just dump off a few thousand and hope some of them aren’t eaten…and then there are parents like these, who engage in slightly less conventional but no less effective parenting techniques. These are animals who had it rough or had it just plain strange growing up. Some of these may be disturbing, some of them may be heartwarming, and most of them are probably both.

10. Cuttlefish

These highly intelligent squid cousins get an early start as predators; their eggs are transparent, and both their brains and their sophisticated eyes are well developed long before they hatch. This allows the tiny baby tentacle-monsters to carefully observe other animals while still in the egg, and studies have shown that this period heavily influences their hunting style and preferred prey for the duration of their lives.

9. Caecilians

These burrowing creatures look remarkably like earthworms, but are actually amphibians like frogs, toads and salamanders. Rare and reclusive, we still have much to learn about their lifestyles. It wasn’t until recently that we discovered how at least one species rears its young; wrapped around her babies in an underground nest, the mother continuously grows extra layers of skin that her sharp-toothed babies strip off and eat every three days.

8. Phlebonotus Pallens

Cockroaches suffer one of the worst reputations in the animal kingdom, but far from deserved; of the thousands of species known, only a handful ever could or ever would invade your kitchen, they play integral roles in ecosystems around the world, they’re much more sanitary than you think, and some of them are even highly devoted parents. How devoted? Phlebonotus pallens, an amphibious cockroach from India, carries her young under her wing cases, specially shaped for this purpose and useless to actually fly. Nestled under this protective shield, the young chew tiny holes in their mother’s back and feed on her hemolymph (insect “blood”) using special fang-like mandibles they will lose as they grow older.

7. Suriname Toads

The Pipa pipa, also called the Suriname toad or star-fingered toad is a fully aquatic, flattened amphibian with a childcare technique shared by no other; during a complex mating dance, the male attaches the eggs to the female’s back, and her skin will eventually grow to almost cover them. Once they hatch, the froglets will spend several days living in their mother’s spongy, honeycomb-like flesh.

6. Tasmanian Devils

These famously ornery but truly misunderstood marsupials suffer through one of the harshest struggles of any newborn in nature; the female gives birth to up to FIFTY young at a time, but almost all of them are doomed to die. No larger than grains of rice, the young “joeys” are blind, hairless, slimy and almostmaggot-like. As soon as they’re born, it’s a grueling, groping race to mother’s pouch – three inches away – where they will find only four teats. The first four to bite down on a nipple will remain there for the next three months, while the rest of their brothers and sisters starve to death within minutes.

5. Burying Beetles

These black and orange beetles more than live up to their Halloween motif; after mating late at night, the male and female seek out the corpse of a small bird or rodent and will spend the rest of the night digginga deep hole out from under it, all while working the body into a ball of meat. The male remains above ground, keeping watch over the tiny grave, while the female is buried alive with the body. There, she will watch over her grubs and even chew their food for them, like a mother bird, until the day she dies.

4. Cuckoo Birds

These sneaky parasites have learned a trick to childcare unfortunately shared by many of us humans: why do it yourself, when you can make it someone else’s problem? When it’s time to lay her egg, mother cuckoo simply finds the nest of another bird, drops off her own egg and never comes back. The unsuspecting hosts will raise the baby Cuckoo as their own, but the impostor’s larger size will overwork its adopted parents nearly to death, while their real chicks go hungry and may die before reaching adulthood. In some cuckoo species, the chick will even hatch early enough to push the other eggs out of the nest and kill them.

3. Dracula Ants

These tiny, wasp-like tropical ants primarily hunt large, venomous centipedes, attacking the many-legged killers in swarms and dragging their remains back to the nest. The adults, however, aren’t eating the centipedes they catch, but chewing them up as food for the grub-like, helpless ant larvae. So what do the adults eat? The blood of those same larvae, cutting them open and drinking just enough bodily fluids for their baby sisters to recover. Though it doesn’t kill them, the larvae do seem to panic and struggle when they sense a hungry grown-up coming.

2. Cannibal Tadpoles

Certain species of burrowing “spade foot” toads inhabit desert areas where water can be quite scarce and rapidly disappears during the dry season. To ensure the survival of at least a few offspring, their tadpoles come in two distinct forms: omnivores that live primarily off algae, carrion or small insects, and carnivores that live primarily off the flesh of the smaller, weaker omnivores. As water begins to dry up, some of the omnivores will transform into carnivores, and the rest will serve as an emergency food supply. It sounds rather cruel, but on a sweet note, they have been shown to avoid eating their own immediate brothers and sisters…at least until there’s no other option.

1. Adactylium Mites

These microscopic arachnids spend their entire lives as parasites on the eggs of tiny insects called thrips, and have perhaps one of the most sordid life cycles in the animal kingdom: inside a female’s body are many young females and only a single male, whose job is to impregnate all of his sisters before they are born. Their mother will die as her daughters break out of her body, and their brother will be left behind to die in her corpse… his purpose is served, and he has no means to survive in the outside world. Each of his pregnant sisters will repeat the gruesome, seedy process, and so will their daughters, and daughters daughters, all having crazy unborn bug incest again and again. Sometimes life really is stranger than fiction…even grotesquely obscene fiction!